Surviving the Guilt - Chapter 9 and 10

Guilt never passes

Nobody said anything. All you could hear were the dolyak's steps and their munching as they grabbed the long grass while walking. Marrek and Siany walked upfront, then came the doylaks, with Milton walking behind last. He carried the sword, it was heavy and way too long for him.

Time passed, the sun was coming up. Milton felt guilty. The sword only weighed him down even more. He knew this was a burden he would carry with him the rest of his life. 

As the orange morning sun rose up from the horizon, tears filled Milton’s eyes.

“I’m sorry!” he cried. Marrek and Siany stood still. The dolyaks simply continued to slowly move along the road. “I know it’s my fault! But please, tell me what I can do to fix it. Why do people die because of me?”

Marrek and Siany turned around. 

Marrek answered him in an unusually deep and calm voice, "Nobody died because of you. The world can be a dark place, and often, even your best is not enough to change that. No matter what you do, the night will always be dark. But every night will end, and the sun will always rise again. I want you to see that in Pe... in your sword. If it turns dark in your life, daybreak will be just a glimpse away. But you have to keep going to see it."

Milton would remember these words forever but only understand them many years later. Tears kept rolling down his cheeks. Marrek came closer and kneeled before him.

"Even with his sword, Peyton wouldn't have been able to defend himself against the bandits. They always work in packs. He was alone... I made the decision to camp there, knowing the risk. But these are the decisions one has to make in life, and you have to learn from them and learn to live with them. Because if you stop making decisions altogether, the world will crumble to dust."

He stood up again and pulled Milton next to him. They walked to Siany together; they caught up to the doylaks. 

They walked for a few hours along a road. Siany noticed that Milton still felt responsible and tried to distract him by talking about where the sylvari come from.

Learning that sylvari only exist because of a centaur was difficult for him to understand. He felt it was cruel to tell him that. He wanted to be angry about it, but he was too distracted already. Siany continued talking about this good centaur Ventari while Milton's thoughts drifted away. He thought about Payton's screams the night before. He thought about bandits and centaurs, what made them similar and what made them different. Maybe that centaur created the sylvari to destroy humans, or maybe not all centaurs are evil like not all humans are good. This wasn't something he wanted to decide on the spot.

They saw another outpost in the distance. Marrek stopped them and said, “Hide the badges, we will cross Kessex Haven soon. And don’t look suspicious. In case someone at Black Haven reported the missing badges.”

Milton went to the dolyaks and grabbed the Lionguard badges.

They placed them in a saddlebag. Marrek counted them, and it seemed like he was calculating how much he could earn by selling them.

The gates to Kessex Haven were open. They could see inside while walking along the road. Many merchants were readying their little shops inside the stone walls of the outpost. 

The guards watched the two sylvari with a human boy closely. It must have looked strange for an outsider.

Milton tried to stop himself from staring at the guards and only caught a few glimpses. If he would ever cross Kessex Haven again, he wouldn’t even recognize it.

They were lucky, Milton thought, nobody stopped them. Then he got sad. Maybe they were looking for a group like them, but with one more human.

They arrived at a tunnel shortly after Kessex Haven.

The tunnel was long. Milton wanted to ask how someone could build something like this, but he was afraid to talk after his first word echoed several times loudly. He was sure someone at the end of the tunnel could hear everything.

Milton’s eyes hurt when they came out of the tunnel. Not only was the sun shining brightly now, his eyes still hurt from the little sleep he got.

Siany unfolded a map.

“We should arrive at Overlake Haven in around two hours. What is the plan, Marrek?”

"We will rest there and refill our provisions. If they have empty rooms, we will stay the night. Again, don't look suspicious."

Overlake Haven

Marrek took the dolyaks and went inside the outpost alone. Siany and Milton followed shortly but didn’t mention that they belonged with him. 

The outpost did have a spare room for travelers. As usual, the price got higher after they found out that Marrek wasn't working for or with the Black Lion Trading Company.

The sun was still shining when Marrek went into their room to rest.

Siany took Milton around Overlake Haven, finding out what the different merchants offered. They bought some apples and bread. 

Milton was fascinated by one merchant who sold "Krait-Infused-Liquid." The vials were decorated with colorful stones and what looked like black scales. Siany gave that merchant an angry look when he offered Milton to try a few drops, so Milton knew this man was untrustworthy.

Siany walked with Milton on the stone walls. They scanned their surroundings. The sun was setting, but you could see an enormous wall in the distance. It blended beautifully into the environment. All kinds of plants must've clung to it at the bottom, making the transition to the grassy ground almost invisible. The taller it got, the whiter and cleaner the wall seemed. The sunlight tinted the top of the wall in the same orange as the clouds around it.

Siany pointed towards it.

“Right there in this huge wall is a small little gate. That is our goal.”

“Couldn’t we reach it today?” Milton asked.

"It is farther than you think, and Marrek was too tired to move any more today."

”Siany… Why are you working for the Consortium? My father does too. But he makes me swear to never do any business with them, each time I see him.”

Siany stared a little while into the distance before she answered.

“That is wise of your father. The Consortium is definitely no ones first choice for a job.” she looked to Milton. “I lost myself for a short time. Helping some bad sylvari achieve their goals. Because I thought this would be the only way for me to be… me. Until I met Marrek. He always said, his Wyld hunt is"—she noticed Milton’s confused expression—“his calling, or reason to exist, was to get as rich as no one was before him. I know he joked, but it made me admire him. He chose to live his own destiny, he made his own decisions and enjoyed life without falling into the controlling net of somebody else.”

She started to walk to the stairs. Milton followed.

She continued, “We tried to find work around the Grove, this is where we come from, you remember, but my reputation preceded me and the only ones hiring us together was the Consortium. Marrek could have found something better, alone. But he chose to help me. It’s almost funny. My previous actions for freedom prohibited me from doing what I wanted... It is different now. I redeemed myself enough to visit the Grove again. We even work for other people besides the Consortium. But sometimes we choose them since we now know how to deal with them to get our worth.” They walked down the stairs and into the building. They made sure nobody would see them and then they slipped into the room where Marrek was already sleeping.

The three woke up early the next morning. They wanted to get going before the Haven was full of merchants and guards. They were pretty fast at getting the dolyaks ready now. Milton was proud that he could help with the belts and straps. 

Marrek had a present before they left. He used a spare belt from the cargo and built Milton a holster for his sword. It seemed dangerous to have the blade swinging around like that without a sheath, the blade almost touching the ground, but Milton didn’t care. He felt like a real guard.

They started to move south, thinking nobody had seen them leave together, when a guard suddenly shouted, “Hey, you! Wait.”

They all froze. As usual, the dolyaks didn't care and kept moving along the road.

Marrek whispered, “Keep your eyes forward, I’ll deal with it.”

He faced the guard standing on top of the wall and moved towards him. Marrek slightly pulled out a dagger from his belt. Not ideal against the bow the guard held.

“You were talking to us, kind sir?” he said.

“Yes, I was,” the guard answered, “are you planning on walking further south?”

"We are indeed planning to walk on further south," Marrek replied, he quickly hid the dagger in his sleeve. He used the same otherworldly accent as when he and Milton met.

The guard shook his head. “I can’t just let you go like this.”

Marrek played with the dagger up his sleeve, ready to throw it.

But the guard took his focus off Marrek. He searched around in his uniform and pulled out a piece of paper.

“Take this,” the guard said. “It’s a map, showing where others have seen... the beasts.”

He kneeled down and let the map fall, Marrek caught it with one hand.

“But.. don’t tell anyone you got this from me. My sergeant said I shouldn’t believe the merchants. They just want this route to themselves.”

Marrek nodded and waved the guard farewell.