Fourth Interlude: Worse Than Nothing

Plans were being made, Jean knew. They’d been in motion from the moment Oska appeared on a hill in the Shiverpeaks, visibly alone. His appearance had sent a ripple through both sides of the battle and finally brought it to a shuddering stop.

There hadn’t been any sort of negotiation or overtures of peace on either side. The hunting horn that had started the fight had blown again and that had been the end of it. One by one, Artair’s army had withdrawn. Knowing it was safer to retreat gracefully, Light’s Memory had done the same.

The silence that had fallen over the valley had been broken only by the howl of the winter winds. Jean had stood at Erin’s side as she watched the Talons confer on the hill above them. Confer and then begin melting away to the south.

“Is that it?” Ivar had demanded, as Light’s Memory had gathered in the bottom of the valley.

Erin hadn’t replied. Instead, she’d turned to find Oska, now standing in the remains of Marissa’s camp, his fists clenched. There had been no sign of Auri then. There still wasn’t.

But Jean no longer wanted any part of the plans to find her. It wasn’t that he didn’t care. Of course he wanted his little cousin back safe and sound. It was just that his own attempts to find her had come to worse than nothing and, for now, he felt it would be better to step aside.

Besides, he had a battle of his own to fight.

“You led Artair right to us.” There was a low, venomous note to Marissa’s voice. To outside ears, she wouldn’t have sounded particularly angry. Jean, on the other hand, knew she was absolutely furious.

“Not intentionally, I can assure you.” Jean was too tired to argue properly. He felt like he’d been on his feet for days and using so much magic on the battlefield had left him drained. It was enough to simply sit on the battlements of the outpost Erin had led them to and gaze across the snowy landscape.

It wasn’t enough for Marissa, of course. A simple vista never would be. “And you betrayed me.”

Jean finally turned to look at her. “Betrayal,” he said slowly, “is something you know all about.”

Marissa glared at him but didn’t immediately answer.

He was no longer scared of her, Jean realised. He had been, once upon a time. His older sister had felt like a distant landmark for much of his childhood, to be watched from afar but never approached. They’d grown closer as they’d aged, but there had always been a streak of unpredictable cruelty in her that could make even a compliment sound like a barb. Sometimes, Jean felt like he needed to keep an eye on her. The rest of the time, he was more comfortable keeping his distance.

But the fear of what she might say or do was gone. She could rail and shout and scream all she wanted; it simply couldn’t hurt any more.

Marissa must have seen the calm that had come over him. She seemed to know the argument was over before it had really started. “I was keeping Auri safe. I was the only one who could.”

In some ways, Jean couldn’t deny that. Auri had indeed been safer in Marissa’s hands than she had been in many months. And yet… “Being sequestered in the wilds might be safe, but it’s no way to live.”

“It was only until I could find another way to protect her.”

Jean sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “No one doubts your intentions, Marissa, but can’t you hear yourself? I was doing this, I was doing that. Why was it all up to you?”

“I’m the oldest. I know Artair the best.” Marissa wasn’t looking at him. “And I have the least to lose.”

Did she really believe that? Jean thought perhaps she did. There had been a desperation in Marissa’s desire to join Yinn’s game, a need to distract herself from the rest of the world. A competition had been an easy answer, but that was now behind them. Did Marissa really feel there was nothing left in her life but that?

“You could go back to the Priory,” Jean said. “You must have unfinished studies there.”

Marissa gave a bitter laugh. “Unfinished business, maybe. I was too junior to have studied anything important whilst I was there.”

“Unfinished business is enough.” Jean thought about reaching for Marissa’s hand, then settled for patting her awkwardly on the shoulder. “You know that if you never go back there, you’re letting Artair win.”

Marissa stiffened. “I know.”

“But if you don’t go back, you have to commit to Light’s Memory.” Jean didn’t know why he was giving Marissa advice, except that he thought he needed to hear it for himself. “We all do. Follow Erin’s orders, work as a team, stop keeping secrets from one another.”

That got no response.

“Or we could start our own guild, I suppose…”

Finally, Marissa sighed. “I don’t want a guild. Can you imagine me in charge of anyone who wasn’t a Valpari?”

Jean shrugged. “They’d get used to it.”

Marissa didn’t seem to hear. “You’re right about the secrets. I should never have kept so many from Oska. Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”

For a moment, Jean wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t used to his sister asking him anything so profound, or expecting an answer that wasn’t inane. He found himself looking down at Oska, who stood at Erin’s side in the courtyard below. The thief had made his loyalties abundantly clear these last few days, but perhaps that was for the best. His guild leader had actually done something to deserve them.

“It’s going to take time,” Jean said softly, turning back to the snowy landscape. “Once we’ve got Auri back… He might.”