Chapter 38: The Shadow Within

Nienna awoke to a dull ache engulfing her whole head. Her eyelids were heavy and begged to stay closed, but she fought to keep them open. Steel plates and beams came into focus, which she thought was odd, because the last thing she remembered was being outside. She guessed she was back on the Raven, but she wasn’t sure how she got there. There was snow, the golden charr, and faces she couldn’t quite remember before everything went black. Suddenly, a nauseating feeling of dread fell over her.

“Oh no,” she uttered.

In a fit of panic, Nienna tried to push herself up, but her arms didn’t move more than an inch. She tried pulling up again, but it only yielded the same results. Craning her head to look down her body, Nienna saw she had been restrained on the med bay table with a series of leather straps around her wrists and over her torso. Her heart began to race, and black started to edge into her vision.

“Hey!” she yelled and hit the table with her fists, hoping someone, anyone, would hear. She could feel herself start to lose control as fear took hold. She yelled again and banged on the table until she felt a hand on her shoulder. The familiar touch calmed her and brought her back from the edge. She looked over as Dee made her way around the table so Nienna could see her better.

“What’s going on? Why am I strapped down like some sort of rabid animal?” Nienna demanded.

“Because you were some sort of rabid animal,” Dee replied, matter-of-fact. She took her hand back and sat herself on a stool next to the table. Her brow was furrowed, making wrinkles in the tattoo band over her eyes. Nienna’s gaze fell upon the large norn blade resting against the med bay wall right behind her.

“I didn’t mean to do whatever I did. It wasn’t—it wasn’t me,” Nienna tried to explain. As she looked back at Dee and the unwavering expression of concern across the norn’s face, she started to wonder if she was wrong.

“The captain’s pilot says otherwise. He said the whole room took on an otherworldly chill just before you turned into a shadow and attacked him. He doesn’t know why. He just said you attacked him. Danae had just come back in from her inspection outside when she heard the noise.” The norn’s visage softened, and she rest her arms on her knees as she leaned forward. “I saw you myself out there. We all did.”

Looking up at the rivets along the seams in the med bay ceiling, Nienna did her best to recall exactly what had happened, but most of it was a blur. She remembered her parents’ voices, the scratchy blanket on her face, a flash of a purple coat, the dead tree swaying in the breeze.

Wait…no that’s wrong, Nienna thought.

But the dead tree stuck in her mind. She let her thoughts linger on it, and soon after, she remembered seeing deteriorated ruins and faces that felt familiar. Her family or friends? No. They were sinister, hateful faces, mocking her while she writhed in pain.

The Byrnes.

“I saw them. Lord and Lady Byrne. They were right in front of me.” Nienna looked over at Dee. “Didn’t you see them? They were there—weren’t they?”

Dee shook her head. “No, Nienna. They weren’t.”

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while, until Nienna finally spoke up. “Am I going crazy?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?” Dee replied, frowning. “You knocked that charr around pretty good and almost got Danae. You thought you were seeing people that weren’t really there? That seems to edge into the realm of crazy, even if I don’t want to believe it. If Lion’s Arch was any indication of what’s to come…”

“No, it wasn’t. I couldn’t be,” Nienna insisted. “I was in direct connection with the blade in Lion’s Arch. This—this is something else.” Closing her eyes, Nienna took in a deep breath and let it out to try to calm herself. That in itself was a challenge, though. Her chest felt heavy, as if a baby dolyak was standing on it. “How did I get here anyway?”

“Quint shot you up with something to knock you out. It was some sort of sedative he got from someone he knew in Hoelbrak. The shadow around you disappeared shortly after, just before you passed out. Alena was so worried he overdosed you, I thought she was going to throttle him good, but he said you’d be fine and that he’s done this before. I’m guessing he was referring to that time you—needed a little extra rest.”

“Needed a little extra rest” was a nice way of saying Nienna had broken down and stopped sleeping. She was still mourning their losses and was angry with Quint at the time but had come to realize her behavior then had been worrisome. The others were concerned for her safety as well as theirs. Now, the question of their safety had been challenged again with her recent actions. She couldn’t blame Quint for knocking her out again. If the shoe was on the other foot, she would have done something similar.

Nienna tried lifting her arms again as a demonstration of her impeded movement. “Can you take these off please? I’m not going to hurt anyone, and if I start to get all crazy again, you can knock me out.”

Forcing a smile, Dee asked, “with Quint’s dart gun or the old-fashioned way?”

Nienna was thankful her friend was trying to make light of a puzzling and stressful situation, despite hiding her concern. “Whatever gets the job done.”

“I’ll remember you said that.”

“By the way, where is everyone else?” Nienna asked.

“They’re all gathered on the bridge, deciding.”

Nienna looked over at Dee and raised an eyebrow. “Deciding what?” She didn’t like the sound of this and was almost certain was about her.

“What to do about you.”

“I figured.” Nienna closed her eyes and reluctantly let the words spill from her lips. “Something is really wrong with me.”

Dee’s face scrunched. “I didn’t want to admit it, but yeah, something is seriously wrong.”

Trying to ignore the voices now echoing down the ship and into the med bay, Nienna’s heart sank. She couldn’t understand what they were saying, but she knew they were talking about her, and the sounds were growing louder and sharper. As her condition worsened, she had been ignoring the inevitable: she was losing the battle to the shadow within. Innocent people were getting hurt and worse—they were dying. They were falling behind on their pursuit. Her fears were becoming reality. Now they had seen her as the monster again, would they decide to lock her away?

She felt a tug at her wrist and heard the sound of metal on metal as Dee undid her bonds. Nienna relished in the freedom as she lifted her arms off the table and flexed them. The dark veins were still present, crawling up to her shoulders and spilling into the rest of her body. Her hands were as black as shadow. She flexed her fingers; they felt stiff and numb. Bracing herself against the table, she tried to sit up but immediately regretted it. As she faltered, she felt a hand on her back as Dee leaned over and helped her sit up.

“Thanks,” Nienna flashed her a weak smile and then rubbed her throbbing head.

The voices had ceased now, and Nienna sat quietly on the med bay table, rubbing her wrists where the straps had rubbed against her skin, and waiting for someone to walk into the room and deliver the verdict. She must have looked cold, because Dee grabbed a blanket from somewhere in the room and draped it over her shoulders.

The sounds of bootsteps preceded Danae’s emergence into the med bay. Her appearance was still disheveled from earlier. Strands of black hair hung around her face, and her tunic remained untucked from her leather trousers. Her face was scrunched in displeasure, and her lips were pulled into a deep frown as she made her way over to the med bay desk still littered with Alena’s tomes and notes. She turned and leaned against it, never looking directly at Nienna or Dee.

“We’ve got a problem,” the captain announced. She stared at the floor, chewing at the inside of her lower lip.

“No kidding,” Dee shot back.

Danae snapped her gaze up at her. “This wasn’t an easy discussion, you know.”

“But it was easy enough to have it without her,” Dee said as she nodded in Nienna’s direction. “She wasn’t even able to defend herself out there.”

“Your people were there to defend her, as were her—parents. I’m assuming that’s who they were. But I’m afraid the situation is growing complicated with all these people on board,” Danae explained. “As we’ve been heading north, we picked up the trail on those mercenaries. They’ve crossed through the pass into Frostgorge Sound and are now heading west.”

Dee flashed Danae a look of disbelief. “How do you know this?”

“We recently got in range of a contact in the area who’s helped me out a few times.”

“Are they reliable?” Nienna asked. “I cannot stress to you how important it is we keep what’s going on to a small, trustworthy group.”

Danae nodded. “Absolutely, I understand. I can guarantee their information is good. It sounds like both our mercenaries and the nobles have crossed into Frostgorge Sound and are heading north-west toward Wayward Climb. I imagine they need a place to rest and loot supplies, and it’s not far from Deep and Troubled Waters.” An amused smirk pulled at her lips. “That kodan on board seems to think everyone converging in this area was all meant to be somehow. I’m not sure I subscribe to such thinking, but I digress. So, back to our problem. We have all these groups heading to the same place in my small ship for a little while longer. And now, we have an unpredictable force on board that’s already injured my pilot and attacked me.”

Nienna opened her mouth to say something, but Danae put a hand up and continued.

“I know you didn’t mean to. I know you would never intentionally harm me, my ship, or any of my crew, but it still happened.”

Dee crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at the captain. “What are you saying?”

Danae looked back and forth between her friend and the norn. “Something has to be done. The groups managed to agree on two options. The first one is we keep Nienna sedated for the duration of the trip until we can find a better way to protect both her and us from her outbursts, for a lack of a better term.”

Nienna clenched her jaw as she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself. “And the other option?” she asked.

Danae frowned. “I want to go on record and say that the other option is not my favorite.”

Nienna coughed and cleared her throat from the bitter ichor building up. “Danae, what is it?”

“We kick you off the ship.”

Dee leapt to her feet and took a step back toward her blade. “Don’t you dare!”

The sudden movement and the norn’s imposing frame made Danae flinch. The captain’s cheeks flushed as she narrowed her eyes at Dee. “I don’t like it either! I’m trying to avoid that option as best as possible, but I do have a ship and crew to protect. Not to mention all the passengers.” She looked over at Nienna, who had remained fairly quiet through the conversation so far. “I’m really sorry for this.”

Trying to stay calm, Nienna simply nodded as she let all of the information sink in.

Concerned by her lack of input, Dee leaned over to Nienna. “Hey, you okay?” she asked her quietly.

Nienna looked over at her and nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” It wasn’t really true, but she wanted to assuage her friend’s growing fears. She looked over at Danae, forcing herself to focus on problem solving instead of the problem itself. “How much sedative does Quint have?”

“A day and a half’s worth after what he used earlier today.”

“Okay. How long until we get to Wayward Climb?” Nienna followed up.

The captain took in a deep breath and let it out. “Two days.”

The room fell deathly silent while the time discrepancy sank in.

Nienna clenched her jaw. “I see.”

Danae pushed herself away from the med bay table. “I guess I better tell my pilot to step on it then. We need to make up some time if we only have a day and a half. I’ll send your friend and your parents in so we can get started on keeping you. Your asura friend volunteered herself to stay with you and monitor your status during the trip.”

Nienna flashed her a smile and breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks Danae.”

“Don’t just thank me. Thank your friend who had the forethought to get his hands on that sedative. Without him, I’d have to make a terrible choice.”

As soon as Danae had left the room, Dee sat back down on the stool. “After we get where we’re going, what happens?”

Nienna looked down at her shadowy hands as she cleared away the ichor in her throat again. “I don’t know.”