The Eternal Blade Saga Book 2, Chapter 15: Troubled Dreams

I had the dream again that night.

Tall grass grazed my legs as I made my way through the fields in Shaemoor. Overhead, the sun shone brightly in the sky, warming everything below, and I could hear the rushing of the stream ahead. Somewhere in the distance, moas squawked as they called to one another. Before I had even reached the bank, I was already standing in the stream, the cool water rushing against my legs. Downstream, skales splashed around after fish who were frantically trying to make their escape.

There was something different about the dream this time. I could feel it. Before, I was overcome with happiness at the start, blissfully unaware of what was to come. This time, I was burdened with knowledge. I knew my old friend was coming and what he would do.

Or at least I thought I did.

I was met by not just Torran, but also Liliana, Zan, Rhys, and Sir Fendall. They had all fallen along my journey with the blade and their deaths weighed heavily on me. I tried to cry out to them, to tell them how sorry I was. But the words wouldn’t come out, no matter how hard I pushed them. Warm tears streamed down my cheeks. I failed them now in death, just like I failed them in life.

Anticipating the cold steel that always came next, I tensed, but it never happened. Instead, they all stood there, staring at me. Their eyes were all shadowed over but I could still feel their disappointment boring a hole right into me. If I had a choice, would have rather had the blade in my chest. I tried backing away, to get away from this nightmare, but it was useless. I was frozen in place, and then suddenly my fallen comrades were gone and the gentle sound of the rushing water had ceased.

“How interesting,” a voice said from behind me. It was silvery, sweet, and utterly familiar.

“You,” I managed to say, forcing my restrained body to turn just enough so I could look over my shoulder. “What are you doing in my dream?”

Lady Eira studied me with her cold, blue eyes. They reminded me of the ice peaks in the northern Shiverpeaks, the ones that were clear enough to reflect the sky. There was something strange about her height; she seemed much taller than me. I didn’t remember her being that tall. I strained my neck as far as I could to get a better look at my eyes widened when I saw why her stature had changed.

She was walking on the water.

“How are you doing that?” I warily asked. “Why are you here?”

Lady Eira tipped her head to the side, her pinned-up golden curls tumbling gently to the side as she studied me from head to toe. She wore a velvety deep amethyst dress with a laced bodice, the hem of the skirt floating gracefully on top of the stream.

“I was curious,” she replied. Slowly, she started to circle, her gaze never breaking away. I was her subject to be studied, and it frightened me to be so vulnerable to a stranger with such predatory behavior.

“About what?”

“I didn’t know how haunted you were,” she mused, ignoring my question. “Who are these people? Are they important to you?” She gestured to my fallen friends, but they were no longer there.

“That’s none of your business,” I warned. My heart fluttered and I swallowed hard. Even though I knew this was a dream, there was something so real about her, so familiar, but not as Lady Eira. It was something else.

By her growing smile, I could tell she was quite pleased with my response. “Oh, they are, aren’t they,” she said, making her way to stand where they had been. “Why do you suppose they’re so upset with you?”

Closing my eyes, I willed every ounce of energy I possessed to try to wake myself up, but I couldn’t. I wanted desperately to be anywhere but in this dream, but I couldn’t wake up and I wasn’t able to move more than I already had.

Lady Eira continued circling me until she reached the spot where my fallen friends had stood. Her lips pulled into a smile, she clasped her gloved hands together in front of her. “If you ask me-.”

“I didn’t,” I interrupted, narrowing my eyes sharply.

Shaking her head, Lady Eira clicked her tongue. “Don’t you know its rude to interrupt. Where was I? Oh yes, as I was saying– my guess is they’re not happy with you because you let them down.”

My heart skipped a beat and then sped into a thundering roar, and I swore it was fighting to get free of my chest. Maybe it was trying to get away from the burning cold that had started to spread throughout my chest. Everything about this dream felt wrong. The others had never shown up before and Lady Eira was here and seemed to have the upper hand in my own dream.

“Go away,” I ordered, still fighting to break free.

She moved toward me, the ends of her dress floating behind her, carried by the stream. When she was a mere foot from me, the high-born lady leaned in and spoke with such a controlled intensity, my skin crawled.

“Why would I want to? I like it here.” A wicked laugh grew and spilled from her lips. It echoed in my ears and fueled my growing rage.

“Leave me be!” I reached out to grab her, but it took every ounce of energy I could muster just to fight my bonds and lift my outstretched arm. My fingers extended, I reached for Lady Eira, willing her into my grasp. She merely stood there smiling at me, an inch out of reach, and continued to laugh. “Get out of my head!”

She pulled back, her eyebrows raised and still smiling. “Get out? Oh, that’s right, you don’t like me. Well, I can’t get out of your head,” she said, unclasping her hands and gestured all around us. “I am your head.”

Lady Eira’s surface rippled and washed off of her to join the waters of the stream, and I felt my eyes go wide when I saw myself standing before myself. Every detail was there, from my long, red hair to my dark red leggings and boots. She had the same axe on her hip, and every curve, wrinkle, and grey hair was where it should be. I tried recoiling but still couldn’t move. All I could do was look at myself standing there looking back. It was uncanny looking at one’s self and having that self stare right back at you.

“Is this better?” She asked, placing her hands on her hips.

It wasn’t better in the slightest.

“No? Maybe someone else then.” The other me rippled and washed off like before, and underneath stood my old friend, Torran Sable. He looked the same as he always did in my dreams. He wore his blue longcoat, frayed and tattered at the ends and his boots were worn like he had been walking for a very long time. My heart sunk as my guilt surrounding his death surfaced and apparently my reaction was plastered all over my face, because the smile on her lips, which were now Torran’s lips, grew wider. I tried to swallow my pain and regain my composure, but I was struggling to keep it.

“This one sure left a mark, didn’t he?”

The burning cold in my chest spread to my limbs and I suddenly felt very strange.  As my tears started to fall onto my cheeks, her visage rippled again and this time Liliana stood before me. She looked exactly as I remembered. Her long, earthen hair pulled back into a ponytail, with braids weaved into her tresses along the sides of her head. She wore the same pale coat I saw her wear the last time I saw her alive. Something trickled down from her forehead and I watched the drops of red fall onto her cheek.

“E-enough,” I said as my anger waned and a guilty sorrow took hold. Was this what Lady Eira wanted? Was she here to torture me in my dreams?

My dream. This was my dream.

In the midst of my grief and anger, I had forgotten I was in my own head. I shouldn’t be as powerless as I was led to believe. Liliana fell away and Rhys now stood before me, and even though his lips were moving, I wasn’t listening. Instead, I kept silently repeating to myself my new realization, like a mantra. I held on to each word, giving my belief to each, giving them power. With every repeat, I felt my invisible bonds grow weaker. I raised my arm again, my fingers outstretched.

Rhys fell away and now Sir Fendall stood before me, dressed in his armor adorned with an Elonian sun. “You’re not free, you know.” His normally kind visage twisted into one of annoyance as stood before me, saying these words. They cut through the silence and forced their way into my ears, but I knew it wasn’t really him speaking.

I stared the impostor down. “Yes, I am,” I replied. With each repeating of my mantra, my will sharpened my anger and sorrow, and I cut through the bonds holding me prisoner. My fingers found their throat and squeezed. “You’re not my friend. Take off his face!”

A devilish grin greeted me before Sir Fendall’s visage rippled and fell away, leaving me with my own visage looking back at me.

“You may be free here,” my impostor sneered, “but you aren’t really free out there. You know you won’t be till it’s gone.”

With one final laugh, she pushed me with a force so powerful it loosened by grip and I sailed backward into the water. As I sank, it filled my vision. I thrashed and kicked and even though it was shallow, I kept sinking further and further into the cold, dark water, not knowing if I would ever reach the bottom. The last thing I remembered before everything faded, was how piercingly cold the water was. It cut and adhered into every part of me until we were one.

And then I woke up in a bed of frost and ice.