Chapter 12: Part 7 - Reputation

“I’m sorry, Angel…” Tobih’s voice was soft and sweet towards his norn admirer, “I never knew.”

“That is because until recently I never wanted you to learn of how much of a monster I was.”

“Was. That’s the keyword there,” he pushed, “You buried it all away in Hoelbrak…” Tobih paused for a few moments and then added, “Wait, does that mean it was there when Claire buried her past?”

“The cairn is unmarked since I hid the name away.”

I recalled burying my past self in Hoelbrak on that frozen morning. Angel had given up her name, the very thing that was important to carry on the legend of her past. She had done so under honorable reasons.

Maybe I should give up a name as well. Though I still saw her memories, I was no longer the past me. It wasn’t fair to make a reputation under her name.

I pressed my head back against the building and looked at the foggy sky. “I…” I sighed and made up my mind, “I only want to be Claire now. It’s the name you all have given me; it’s the last name of a hero I look up to. I can’t take her whole name.”

“Claire it is then,” Angel replied, “not like it is any different from what we already call you. No skin off my back.” Even though she seemed very laid-back with such an answer, I remembered her face when she praised me for burying my past self. I wondered if she was making a similar face now and turned to check. She looked content but I couldn’t tell if it was because Tobih was leaning against her or if she supported my decision. My eyes found their way back to the darkness ahead so that I could resume my duties.

“If you want a new last name, you can take mine,” Tobih offered but I not entirely sure if he knew what he was implying with that. Angel must have realized, too, because the next thing I heard from him was a small “Ouch”.

“Claire Jaimes doesn’t really have a ring to it though… I suppose Angel Jaimes doesn’t either…” He kept talking about it regardless of the punishment Angel had just delivered. “Ragnvaldr Jaimes sounds pretty good, though.”

Angel snorted. I couldn’t stifle my own laughter either.

“I can’t imagine you and Ragnvaldr getting married,” I admitted a little too loudly.

“Married?” He pondered it, “Wait.” He began laughing as well. “I suppose saying you could have my last name does sound a bit like a marriage proposal.”

“Could you imagine marrying someone based on how their name sounds with yours?” He kept talking through his newfound embarrassment. “I wonder if there are people who really do that.”

“There are a lot of people out there, I wouldn’t count it out,” I replied.

“I actually think Angel Jaimes sounds pretty decent,” Angel said, spilling her true thoughts.

“Are you asking me to marry you?” Tobih teased.

“I wouldn’t be opposed,” She admitted.

I thought about the two of them together. For some reason I just couldn’t see them as a romantic pairing. Their personalities complimented each other’s but I just didn’t see it beyond friends. Of course I knew Angel’s true feelings about him. I knew his answer as well, which made me feel uncomfortable even tuning in on this part of the conversation.

I remembered Tullia. In this moment it became clear to me that she thought I might pursue romantic relations with Tobih. She cared deeply for him and it must have been love.

“I don’t like the competition,” Is what Tullia had told me. I didn’t know what she had meant then, but I felt now I knew she thought I wanted to take him from her.

“So, Claire,” Tobih emphasized my name this time, “You seem like you’re in a better mood.” He dodged giving any response to Angel and instead moved on to another conversation. I tried to ignore it since the conversation was making me feel uncomfortable anyway.

“I had a bad feeling before that everything wasn’t going to work, that I’d never make it to the gods or find Ragnvaldr again.” After the mood had lightened the feeling had completely went away. “I think I was wrong; We will find him, I know it.”

“That’s the spirit,” He cheered.

“I don’t think there is anything the lot of us could not get through by working with each other,” Angel chimed in with a cheer of her own.

Night continued with us talking less since Angel had decided to begin cooking. Angel brought a plate of food to me after she finished and sat down beside me.

“Tobih fell asleep before he could eat,” She sounded a bit worried, “I just left a plate by him.”

“Hopefully the smell of it wakes him up,” I replied before taking a bite.

“I do not know how to get him to see me.” Angel didn’t sound defeated but she was certainly feeling down. It couldn’t have been any clearer how much it was bothering her.

“Tobih is nothing like the kind of person I fell in love with before, but they have both changed me. Tobih is constantly changing me.” She had decided to open up to me yet again. I had began to miss the nights where we would sit together and just talk about things that were more personal. Even if she was in pain I was grateful to just hear her talk to me again. “I want to be with him because he makes me a better person.”

It was with that message that I realized why I couldn’t see them together romantically and I blurted my thoughts out without thinking on them first.

“I think that maybe that’s a bad reason to love someone. You shouldn’t love someone because you think they’ll fix you. That’s a terrible burden to put on someone.”

Her eyes widened and within them I saw a spark of anger.

“That is far from the only reason I love him.” The culmination of her anger poured out into those simple words. I knew after I had said them that I could have either let her find that out on her own or candy-coated my words a little better. Instead it sounded harsh and as if I had meant to insult her.

Even if it was true.

“Sorry.” I had million other responses I wanted to say instead but none of them felt like they were good enough to convey what I wanted to for her. I, instead, decided to simply apologize.

Just as quickly as I was grateful that she was talking to me again, I had ruined it. She walked back to the camp within the ruins and left me alone to my food.

I began to think about how differently things would have gone if I had done or said anything else instead.

At least I had only tarnished the reputation of “Claire”.